Vote in 2022

NOTE: This post has been updated from the original in 2020 with new links and info.

The November 8th 2022 U.S. election is fast approaching! If the voting process has become moderately confusing and inconvenient for those of us who are familiar with voting due to additional voter suppression, it will be damn near impossible for many new and returning voters. Voting is a right, and as such it should be made as easy and straightforward as possible for everyone. If that's not part of your political "goals" then you need to reconsider those goals and change them. What follows is intended to bring resources together into a quick guide to voting from any state or territory. I'll use Maryland (MD) as an example because that's where I'm from.

Step 0: Get ID

Does your state require an ID? Check the ID laws for each state. The federal Help America Vote Act (HAVA) places additional ID requirements (PDF) on first-time voters who registered by mail. MD requires proof of residency when registering or voting for the first time, but afterwards doesn't require any documentation to vote in-person or by absentee/mail-in (for example, you can request the latter with the last 4 digits of your SSN).

If your state does require one and you need one, you can use VoteRiders or follow this guide on how to get an ID from your local DMV.

STEP 1: Register to Vote

Need to register, or verify whether you already have? Check here.

Then mark your calendar with your state's registration deadline. MD's deadline is 10/18 (TODAY!).

As a last case scenario, some states (like MD) let you same-day register at the polls.

STEP 2: Make a Voting Plan

Option 1: Vote absentee/mail-in

Take the postal service risk, and request an absentee/mail-in ballot (the MD request deadline is 11/8 (Election Day, though "to receive your ballot by mail or fax" the deadline for receiving the request is 11/1), and all registered voters will receive request forms in the mail - though if you have a license or MVA ID it's faster to use the online system). The deadlines are just a guide though, you should submit your request ASAP in case the elections office is overwhelmed and can't process your request in time.

• What is absentee/mail-in voting?
• Does your state require excuses to vote absentee/mail-in? MD does not.
• How will your identity be verified when processing ballots? This could include ID copies, signature comparisons, and/or witness/notary signatures. MD requires a signed oath (which must match the signature on file) on a sealed envelope.
• When will your vote be processed and counted? MD begins processing and counting on 11/9 at 8am when ballots are received.
• How will you get your ballot? See the above links, but states may offer different formats including ballots being mailed to you (MD sends out three weeks "about 30-45 days" prior to the election), faxed to you, and emailed to you as a downloadable link.
• Is there any risk with the downloadable version? Apparently these can't be scanned and could slow down vote counting. According to the MD election website, "This process slows down the vote counting after the election and puts election workers at risk during the pandemic, so we ask that you not use internet delivery unless it is necessary."
• How can I return my ballot? NOTE: PLEASE READ ALL INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY AND DOUBLE-CHECK THAT YOU HAVE COMPLETED ALL REQUIREMENTS BEFORE RETURNING YOUR BALLOT!! DON'T LEAVE ANY REASON FOR YOUR BALLOT TO BE THROWN OUT!!
• Return Method A: Hand delivering by 11/8 at polling centers, likely in your county or major city (early or day-of locations in MD on a map, see the full list of MD locations here [PDF])
• Return Method B: Hand delivering by 11/8 at ballot drop boxes, likely in your county or major city (see locations in MD on a map here or see the full list here due by 8pm on 11/8)
• Return Method C: Mailing back by postmarking (I repeat, postmarking as in received and processed by the postal service, NOT simply "placing your ballot into a mailbox") on time (MD = 11/8) and arriving to the local board of elections on time (MD = 11/18 at 10am), though USPS recommends mailing your ballot "at least 7 days before Election Day"
• Return Method D: Change your mind and vote in-person instead, though you'll likely complete a provisional ballot
• NOTE: Provisional ballots are expectedly treated differently by state, and will not be counted under certain circumstances (besides obvious cases where multiple votes have been cast by a single voter or the voter hasn't met ID requirements as described above)

Option 2: Vote in-person early

Take the COVID-19 risk, and vote early to avoid the rush. This is what some political experts recommend. See your state's election website for more information on locations.

• When can I early vote? MD allows early voting between 10/27-11/3 (including Saturday and Sunday) from 7 am to 8 pm ("The best time to vote in person is on weekends during early voting...").
• How many early polling stations are there? MD will have 80 (map), see the full list here.

Option 3: Vote in-person on Tuesday, Nov. 3rd

Take the COVID-19 risk, and stand in line if all else fails. Unfortunately, many states are reducing the number of polling stations by around 80% (unknown this year). See your state's election website for more information on locations. Then make a plan to vote before, after, or during work, or take off if you are able.

• When can I vote the day of? In MD, 7am-8pm.
• How many day-of polling stations are there? MD will have 360 (map), down from 1,600 ("The best time to vote in person is... between 10 am and 3 pm on election day"). Once again, see the full list here.

Step 3: Educate Yourself

This is a very polarizing election so you many already know who you plan to vote for, but it doesn't hurt to cut through the (social) media bias and rampant misinformation in order to get to the heart of where candidates stand on the issues.

Learn how your stance on national issues matches political parties and candidates by taking the political quiz on ISideWith.

Learn about your local ballot candidates and issues on Vote411. This will probably take the majority of your time when completing your ballot, and may require around 30 minutes of research if you want to be thorough.

And while we're on the topic of educating ourselves and preparing against an onslaught of misinformation in the next couple months, here are a few respectable news sources that will provide evidence-based accounts with the goal of being more moderate (links go to Facebook pages that you can Like to help balance the inevitable bias we all see in our social media feeds):

• PBS
• AP
• Reuters
• BBC
• The Wall Street Journal
• Snopes (@snopes on Twitter)

Actually, following Twitter's example, Facebook began instituting fact-checking during the 2020 election with the help of the following agencies (which presumably can also be trusted to provide evidence-based accounts):

• AFP United States
• The Associated Press
• Check Your Fact
• The Dispatch
• Factcheck.org (@factcheckdotorg on Twitter)
• Lead Stories
• PolitiFact (@PolitiFact on Twitter)
• Science Feedback
• Reuters Fact Check
• USA TODAY (@usatodayDC on Twitter*)

*If you can only tune into one fact-checking account while watching the debates, the folks at USA TODAY are fantastic.

Step 4: VOTE!!!

Add your plan to your calendar, and LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD!

Step 5: Spread the Word

Fact check me, and then tell everyone you know to go through these steps. If there's anything else that you're curious about, or think might be useful to know when voting from anywhere in the nation, let me know.

Over-Engineering Baby's Schedule

Life in modern society often demands an extraordinary management of our time. Especially for impending parents, the prospect of determining how best to adjust one's schedule to include adequately (dare I say, exceptionally) caring for a new human may be daunting. So what does a baby caring routine actually entail, broken down to the nitty gritty? I will share some sample routines that I've found helpful for planning around. I included a couple in a previous post related to bedtime routines, but here is the original Basic Routine that pretty much covers what we did with our kids in their first two months of life:

0-2 months (start every 3 hrs - or more frequently if your pediatrician deems it necessary)

Get & warm/prep bottle, or prep for breast feeding: 2-5 min

Feed: 10-30

Burp & hold upright: 15

Change diaper: 3

Swaddle if sleepy: +2

Breast pump if desired: +22

Wash dishes if needed: 0-15

Total: ~30-68 min +24

What are we looking at here? For each schedule, it starts with the approximate age followed by when to implement it. Then each line is a separate task with an average length of time it takes to complete it; sometimes there is a range if it depends on the day or circumstance, other times there is a set additional time if some condition is met. By the end, I include the rough total amount of time to complete the routine. Below, I split these routines into Basic, Morning, and Bedtime, and for each will try to highlight the major differences as the child grows older. I've included up to around age one to best illustrate these changes over time.

Naturally, this is highly dependent on your own child and your own parenting preferences. It also obviously does not include those in-between moments where you're spending quality time with your child, or when you're helping them to calm down; luckily, in our experience most of the in-between time in the first couple months will be taken up by sleep. Having said that, you might find this exercise helpful in shaping the pieces to fit the puzzle that is your ideal daily/weekly schedule (or unschedule) as a parent. Then when you encounter inevitable issues with specific tasks in a routine (i.e. your baby has trouble latching or burping), you can continue to tweak time averages, task orders, or even break the task into subtasks, with an ever-increasing understanding of how baby's routines fit into the rest of your obligations. If you're wondering, yes of course I have the equivalent for all of my own routines as well. It helps me to plan my schedule so that I know I'm allowing enough time to do the things I have decided I want to do, with the intention that it will leave me open to living in that Moment and not worrying about "do I have enough time for this."

Basic Routine

~2-6 months, daytime (start when sleep training)

Get & warm/prep bottle, or prep for breast feeding: 2-5 min

Feed: 10-20

Burp & hold upright: 10-15

Change diaper: 3

Wash dishes if needed: 0-15

Total: ~25-58 min

~2-6 months, overnight (start when sleep training)

Get & warm/prep bottle, or prep for breast feeding: 2-5 min

Feed: 5-20

Burp & hold upright: 10-15

Change diaper: 3

Swing (if not sleepy): 0-10

Swaddle: 2

Total: ~22-55 min

~6-12 months, daytime (start when feeding hard food)

Get and prep mush/solid food: 3 min

Feed mush/solid food: 15

Get & warm/prep bottle: 2

Feed bottle & burp: 10-15

Change diaper: 3

Wash dishes if needed: 0-15

Total: ~33-53 min

Morning Routine

~2-6 months (start when sleep training)

Get & warm/prep bottle, or prep for breast feeding: 2-5 min

Feed: 10-20

Burp & hold upright: 10-15

Change diaper: 3

Wash face with cool wash cloth: 2

Change clothes for day: 3

Exercise/play time: 5

Total: ~35-53 min

~6-12 months (start when feeding hard food)

Get & warm/prep bottle: 2 min

Feed bottle & burp: 10-15

Change diaper: 3

Wash face with cool wash cloth: 2

Brush "teeth": 2

Change clothes for day: 3

Exercise/play time: 5

Total: ~27-32 min

Bedtime Routine

~2-6 months (start when sleep training)

Prep bath if necessary: +5 min

Get & warm/prep bottle, or prep for breast feeding: 2-5 min

(non-bath night) Wash face with warm wash cloth & change diaper OR (bath night) bath & lotion & brush hair: 5-15

Change into PJs: 3

Feed: 10-12

Burp & hold: 15

Read book: 5

Swing if necessary: +10

Total: ~40-55 +15 min

~6-12 months (start when feeding hard food)

Prep bath if necessary: +5 min

Get and warm/prep bottle: 2

(non-bath night) Wash face with warm wash cloth & change diaper OR (bath night) bath & lotion & brush hair: 5-15

Brush "teeth": 2

Change into PJs: 3

Feed bottle & burp: 10-15

Read book: 5

Spend time if awake: 0-15

Total: ~27-57 min +5

The only "time" that actually exists is the present Moment. The past is in our memories, and the future is in our imagination and plans. In reality, only thoughts about the past and future exist in this Moment. Getting overwhelmed by your potential schedule in the future is, in part, a fallacy of attempting to experience doing all of that at once. When you're with your child, perhaps it is best to remember that the only thing that is important is the task you're engaged in with her at this Moment; size that opportunity, and be present enough to enjoy it.

Baby Crying Resolutions

Your baby is crying at the top of her lungs, and you think she might be hungry. You take a deep breath and exhale. You note that your heart is racing, there's a pounding in your ears, and you're having desperate thoughts about what you can possibly do to make the screaming stop - you associate these thoughts and physical sensations with a concept you call "stress." Instead of succumbing to this concept and identifying with it ("This is me, I am stressed"), you let it be as one of many other passing objects of consciousness ("there is a temporary experience of stress"). You anchor yourself to the present moment by listening to your baby, and focus on the task before you. You calmly prepare her a bottle of milk, offer the nipple, and... she pushes it out with her tongue and begins to cry louder. She's not hungry. Now what do you do?

As parents are well aware, a baby's primary form of communication is crying. And some babies loooove to communicate. 😅 She wants something she doesn't have? Cry. She doesn't want something she currently has? Cry. She's happy and content with what she has? Um, sometimes still cry. The biggest initial hurdle to overcome is becoming overwhelmed when your baby cries, lest you forfeit the ability to make rational decisions in the heat of the moment. But as the above scenario illustrates, even if you can partially master your mind enough to stay calm in the midst of chaos, handling a crying baby is still a difficult matter of trial and error. Unfortunately, babies don't (as of this writing) come equipped with handy translation boxes to tell you why they're crying.

One solution to this is having a checklist of possible crying reasons and subsequent actions to try, especially in the beginning before you've become a pro at spotting signs for each one. You start with the first one, do a quick test to see if it resolves the crying, and if it doesn't then move on to the next one. The details and order of steps to try here are a quintessential example of "each baby and family is unique," but the method itself could prove useful if your brain works like mine. Here's what I've used:

1. Hungry? Try: seeing if she suckles on a pacifier, your finger, or a bottle nipple, then give bottle
2. Hot or cold? Try: adding/removing blanket, rubbing her legs, turning on/off fan, setting thermostat
3. Full/constipated/gassy? Try: burping, sitting upright, lightly messaging back and rubbing stomach, stair master with legs
4. Diaper full? Try: changing it
5. Lonely? Try: holding her on chest
6. Uncomfortable/restless? Try: tummy time, carrying on her stomach and walking around, rocking in swing, or holding until falling asleep
7. Sleepy? Try: putting down in crib, turning on the mobile, and giving her some time
8. Teething? Try: giving frozen teether, giving frozen wash cloth

If you've come to the end of the list, either start back at the beginning, or consider that she just needs to cry it out a bit. Just let it be and experiment.

Sleepy Habits: A Case Study for Baby #2

I'm baaaaack! And with some exciting news - which may help to explain both my sudden absence after starting this new blog theme, as well as my motivation to write these blogs to begin with - my second daughter was born! In fact, she turns three months old today. 🎂🎊

In celebration, I'd like to share a case study of her sleep training, which we just began a week ago.

Well, it was supposed to begin a week ago. She was over two months old and had officially hit the 11 lb mark, so we were ready to implement the plan that we worked out for our first daughter (see Creating Sleepy Habits for Baby). Up until this point, she would wake up 2-3 times in the middle of the night ready for a bottle and comforting by Mommy or Daddy. She had started to increase her sleeping a bit, from every 3 hours in the beginning to occasionally up to 5 or (rarely) even 6 hours at a time. But on that first night of "sleep training," a magical thing happened: she slept through the entire night without waking up once.

Wait, what?! Yes, she actually slept so long (10 hours and 45 minutes) that we decided to just wake her up. I thought it must have been a fluke! But each night since then, she has slept an average of 9.8 hours. Last night was the first time I actually got to "train" her; firstly I let her cry it out for 15 minutes until she put herself to sleep, secondly I gave her a bottle and rocked her into dreamland after she woke up around 4:30am. Before last night, she had exactly zero middle-of-the-night wake-ups for the week.

How did we accomplish this impossible feat? As usual, every baby is unique, and I can't claim full credit for bringing all of the extraneous variables together for any parent to replicate. However, I will say that our experience with baby #1 (who was, miraculously, also mostly sleeping through the night at 2-3 months), provided a few key techniques that any parent can at least try.

1. We kept her awake for 3+ hours before bedtime

After deciding on baby's new bedtime (which would not overlap with her sister's), we knew that we wanted her to be really tired by that time. So three hours before, if she was already awake we'd keep her awake, and if she was sleeping we'd wake her up. Then we'd spend considerable energy doing whatever we could to prevent her from falling asleep again. Eventually this started feeling a little cruel, especially if she had already been up for a bit before the three hour mark. So I've modified this to encourage a forced nap at least an hour before that, usually using an electric swing.

2. We engineered her schedule to encourage sleepy habits

Using the previous blog, we came up with a tried-and-true, step-by-step routine for nighttime that primes baby for sleep. Each step comes with a time estimate that we can refine over time, for the most accurate picture of her schedule. I was going to save these sorts of details for a future post on schedules (here it is!), but I'll share this one because it's relevant to this post. I fully expect the times and exact steps here to vary baby to baby, parent to parent.

Baby Bedtime
Prep bath if necessary: 0-5 min
Get & warm/prep bottle: 5
(non-bath night) Wash face with warm wash cloth & change diaper OR (bath night) bath & lotion & brush hair: 5-15
Change into PJs: 3
Feed: 10-12
Burp & hold: 15
Read book: 5
Swing if necessary: +10
Total: 43-60 +10 min

Baby Late Night Wakeup
Get & warm/prep bottle: 5 min
Feed: 10-12
Burp & hold: 15
Change diaper: 3
Swing (if not sleepy): +10
Swaddle: 2
Total: 35-37 +10 min

3. We automated the schedule and environment for efficiency

What good is a schedule if you have your hands/attention occupied and you forget the details? Just throw it out, in that case. That's why we use smart devices and assistant speakers to keep us in the flow, and to automate the room's environment where possible. A big first step here is scheduling the thermostat to prep her room to an optimal 68-72 degrees. During the summer this is much cooler than the rest of the house, so when we bring her from another room (that's at least 3 degrees warmer) it will help to drop her core temperature, thus making her sleepier; additionally, this can be done using warm water from a bath or from a wash cloth.

We set Family Bells in the Google Assistant to go off on our Google Home speakers throughout the house. So three hours before bedtime it tells us, "Time to wake up <baby name> until bedtime;" then at bedtime we get, "It's <baby name>'s bedtime! We hope." The rest of the automation is from a Google Assistant routine that we trigger with a Google Home speaker in the room. The routine itself is assistant-agnostic, in case you use Alexa or Siri instead. Again, I was going to save this for a future post, but it's relevant here.

Trigger:  "Goodnight <baby name>"

Actions:

1. Turn off the overhead lights and turn on a small side lamp
2. Set the media volume to a low, but audible level
3. Announce, "Goodnight to <baby name>!"
4. State the time
5. Announce, "If it's not a bath night, start by washing her face with a warm washcloth and changing her diaper"
6. State the weather for the evening
7. Announce, "Choose pajamas appropriate for tonight's weather"
8. Shuffle sleepytime music playlist
9. Announce, "Time to feed <baby name>! After burping, read her a story. Then swing if necessary to get her sleepy"

All we have to do is follow those steps, then wrap her in a swaddle. As we leave the room, we perform another routine:

Trigger: "Go to sleep <baby name>"

Actions:

1. Announce, "Lights out. Don't forget to shut to curtains and turn off the mobile"
2. Set the media volume lower
3. Turn on do not disturb on the speaker
4. Set the music to stop in 20 minutes
5. Turn off the remaining lights in the room so it's pitch black
6. Announce, "Only come back if she throws up, is crying loudly, or is still crying after the music ends"

Then we leave the room and turn on the baby monitor. No additional timers are required, as the routine suggests we just listen out if the music stops before her crying does.

As is the case with most parents, I value sleep. Without adequate sleep, night after night, our ability to take care of ourselves and our families diminishes. One thing I struggle with is that when I pay attention, I notice sensations that I identify as "anxiety" if I'm put in a situation that could jeopardize the sleep that I otherwise planned for the evening. I'm basically becoming anxious ahead of time for when I think I'll be sleep deprived. I get that same anxiety if my children's sleep is jeopardized. But with mindfulness, I'm working on recognizing myself getting caught up in these thoughts. A thought appears about how poorly I'll feel the next day, I have a tendency to identify that thought as reality, and then effectively manufacture "negative" sensations and emotions in the present. Perhaps by focusing on what's actually here in the moment, with the insight that the anxious thought is temporary and even out of my control, I can let things be and maintain a much more positive frame of mind. Then I can make the best decision available to me as a parent, now. Not based on what could have been or what might be later on, but now.

Books to Prep for Baby

One of the first things I did upon learning that my wife and I were having a baby was to find a few books to help us prepare for the journey ahead. Not so much how to raise the baby, as in how one might read about different techniques to help baby sleep through the night, but rather how to just make it through the next 40 or so weeks of pregnancy and be ready when the baby arrives. After all, my goal was to solve existing problems, not to hypothesize new problems that we may or may not confront when raising our child down the road. In that sense, this post may be less useful for families who are adopting and therefore aren't worried about pregnancy problems, unless the adoption has been decided before baby has been born and you're interested in following along with the normal development.

I ended up reading three books during my wife's pregnancy, for which I feel qualified to leave brief reviews.

The Succinct Week-by-Week Guide 

If you're looking for a brief one or two page summary of what to expect on a weekly basis, specifically geared towards Dads, look no further than We're Pregnant: The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook by Adrian Kulp. Each chapter not only covers baby's and mom's stats for the week, but also reminds you about upcoming OB appointments, discusses things to be preparing that week, and offers recommendations on how to make mom's job a little easier. It does a great job of complimenting most other pregnancy books in a succinct way while leaving out a lot of the "gory" details that mom is going through. It even continues a couple months into baby's life, for good measure.

The Overabundance of (Sometimes Useful) Information

The "Classic" pregnancy book award goes to What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff. It's recommended by actual doctors (including our own), and is filled with tons of information about all sorts of things that you or your partner may be actually experiencing or wondering about, and probably quite a bit more that you're not. Unlike the first book, this is definitely geared towards pregnant woman, but I read it anyway and gave my wife the cliff notes. At 656 pages in print though, this is not light reading, so ultimately I can't recommend it unless you're comfortable with skimming to find the parts most relevant to your own situation, or searching in the index for something in particular. The upside is that no matter your situation, you will likely find some useful tidbits. The downside is that if you read too many tidbits from other people's situations, you may find yourself creating those new problems rather than solving existing ones, as I referenced in the introduction to this post.

The Data-Driven Highlights Approach

If you're looking for a data-driven book geared towards both expecting moms and dads, the book to read is Expecting better by Emily Oster. This is an extremely well-researched tome written by an economist, with the goal of giving you the facts to make your own adult decisions, based on what's best for you and your family. For example, rather than saying, "don't drink alcohol," Oster lays out observational data studies showing the relationship between the number of drinks per week (and even speed of drinking) during pregnancy with longitudinal follow-up of the resulting children. I really enjoyed this book because it didn't present pregnancy tips as black-and-white, and it covered the major topics from trying to conceive to birthing options in a relatively manageable 367 pages. Oster follows up this book with Cribsheet for birth to preschool, and The Family Firm for early school years, but I'll cover post-birth books in a later post.

Bonus: Introduction to Mindfulness

While we're on the subject of books, and keeping in line with the theme of this blog, if you'd like to learn more about mindfulness be sure to read Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion by Sam Harris. I didn't actually read this while my wife was pregnant (I read it when my daughter was around a year and a half old). But if I had, I would have been better equipped to come to insights about my mind. These insights would have led to building skills for paying attention to the present moment with my daughter, clearly experiencing and accepting consciousness as it is rather than how I want it to be. And this, in turn, leading to repeatable and increasingly imperturbable joy and happiness, in spite of life's difficulties along the way.

Baby's Music Project

As parents it's not always about hacking what you gotta do, sometimes it's about digging into fun projects that you can share in with your child. One of my favorite examples of this is my ongoing Music Project. Personally, I enjoy listening to music, but I don't make music or have a deep scholarly education on the subject. Nevertheless, I wanted to offer my child the chance to build an eclectic musical appreciation.

As a side note, all of the links I will share will take you to public Spotify playlists, but feel free to find similar playlists on whatever service you prefer. If you find better public playlists out there that exemplify the music, or have other recommendations that you think should be included, please let me know! I also created custom Google Assistant commands to initiate the music, which I'll save for a future post.

Classical Traditional Music

The "Mozart Effect" refers to the theory that listening to Mozart (or music from other classical composers) can boost your IQ, or that for children it can stimulate their mental development. Don't get me wrong - there's nothing wrong with classical music, but the over-emphasis on this genre for babies strikes me as being a very Western-dominated point of view. What about babies in other parts of the world, who develop their minds around, not to mention derive enjoyment from, their own local music? So I decided to collect music playlists from various ethnical traditions, limited by my own experience of what stands out as particularly distinct and memorable. Really, this was a way to provide my baby with early exposure to instruments, languages, and sounds from around the world.

1. African
2. Chinese
3. Composers - I've included my own custom playlist for classical composers, as just one of many other worthwhile traditional musical options.
4. Filipino
5. Hawaiian
6. Indian
7. Irish
8. Japanese
9. Native American - This is a beautiful playlist that we often use during nap times as well so that our baby associates flutes with sleepiness (to mixed results).
10. Opera
11. Piano
12. Spanish

This search culminated in developing my own take on the "Mozart Effect." I created a playlist called Nerd Baby Genius, which are all instrumental, orchestral (with a preference towards symphonic) tracks from our favorite movies, TV shows, video games, and anime. This is the good stuff, though I'm not sure our kid appreciates it as much as we do... yet.

Musical Decade Eras

After the first year or so, I decided to switch things up a bit, by collecting prominent music from different decades in our own culture. This started with the initial impossible objective of organizing several specific genres of certain decades (think "50s Jazz" and "60s Rock"), but eventually I realized that focusing on the highlights of each decade across all genres was a much more straightforward path. Spotify does a good job of maintaining playlists for all the decades between the 1950s and 2010s, but we had to dig up the earlier decades on our own.

1. 20s, 30s, and 40s
2. 50s
3. 60s
4. 70s
5. 80s
6. 90s
7. 2000s
8. 2010s

Others

There are a couple playlists here that should be in any parents' collection. As our daughter has developed her own taste in music, we have obliged her by creating some additional playlists as well.

1. Lullabies - Who knew that there were so many lullaby version of popular songs?
2. White Noise - This isn't something that I'll play for her very often, but it's an option if you're looking for something more natural for baby to sleep to.
3. Cocomelon - I recommend creating your own rotating playlist so you can stick with the songs you can tolerate and don't go insane. :)
4. Toddler TV Shows - I created this playlist recently from her other favorite TV shows. She LOVES it.

In the words of Sam Harris, author of Waking Up and creator of the Waking Up app, "the quality of the journey must be more important than those fleeting moments when you actually seem to arrive at your destination, because most of your life is the journey. Most of your life is a process of solving problems. It is not, and never will be, the condition of basking in the absence of all problems... So the frame of mind in which you do these things will determine the quality of your life." To me, music is a wonderful analogy for life in this regard. We don't listen to music to get to the end, and in the same way, we shouldn't let these in-between moments in life pass us by.

Creating Sleepy Habits for Baby

So you're a parent looking for a good night's rest, huh? Welcome to the club, newbie. 😴

Okay, okay, this isn't a helpless case. But let's take a step back and acknowledge that sleep can be hard enough to obtain as an adult looking out for yourself, much less when you're looking after a little one. And yet, sufficient sleep is often a necessary ingredient for having the energy to take care of yourself in other ways, like sticking to a nutrition or exercise plan, which leads to making better decisions for you and your family. I myself spent a couple months carefully tracking and optimizing my sleep during the pandemic, but that's a post for another day!

It's no surprise that baby's inconsistent sleep schedule is one of the biggest hurdles of new parenthood. In fact, I'd say that there's a non-zero possibility that some parents will be reading this in the middle of the night, desperate for answers to their baby's restlessness so everyone can get back to sleep. But as new parents, it's important to experience two insights up front about baby waking you up throughout the night:

1. This is natural.
2. This is temporary.

You'll hear this again and again (on this blog and elsewhere), that every child and their situation is unique. This is not a cop-out, it's preparing you to be able to handle those unique experiences with your own child, in the moment. If at any time it sounds like I'm oversimplifying the process, please recognize that I'm simply sharing what has (sometimes) been successful for our child and family as a whole, which may trigger ideas for how you can attempt with your own. Having said that, you may find that any successful strategy will contain long-term habits and a nurturing environment that reinforces those habits, just like learning to do anything new.

Also, even once you succeed, there will be regressions. When your baby learns to stand, they may be too scared to lay back down. Sometimes your baby will only want to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed for a while. If you go on an international trip, expect the jet lag to lead to weeks of inconsistent sleep. Eventually, your baby will climb out of the crib and refuse to sleep anywhere but a bed. All of these have happened to us, but if you work out a good routine early on, you'll always have a baseline to return to.

Without further ado, I'll share what helped us get our daughter to sleep through the night within the first few months. In addition to a lot of luck, of course.

Newborn Routine

To prepare your newborn for sleep training down the road, try introducing them to a regular feeding schedule immediately out of the womb. At the hospital, nurses in the NICU got our premie on a three hour schedule (2, 5, 8, and 11, AM and PM), which each included "prepping" the milk, feeding, burping, changing diapers, holding, putting back to sleep, and then waiting for the cycle to start all over again. This introduced some much-needed consistency for all of us. Eventually this evolved to a more dynamic "timer-based" schedule where we'd set a, say, three hour timer after baby's previous feeding began. This structure will create the sense of a regular cycle for baby, which can be combined with listening for baby's cues when your pediatrician is comfortable with that.

Sleep Training

Before you attempt to begin training your baby to sleep through the night, it's recommended that you wait until only after your little one is at least two months old and weighs 11+ lbs. Otherwise, their newborn body is simply unequipped to handle long stretches without feeding. There are a myriad of books you can read on the subject and philosophies to experiment with, but when I confronted our pediatrician on what actually works, he responded that there is really only one method - Cry It Out.

This was one of the most difficult things for me to come to terms with as a parent. Watching or hearing your baby cry and purposefully not doing anything about it? When I'd seen other parents employ this method before having my own child, I thought they were straight up cold hearted. As it turns out, you're helping your child to cultivate the simple (in theory), yet paramount skill of soothing themselves to sleep. You cannot force your child to sleep, and if you were to attempt to, it would have the opposite effect of preventing this skill from being developed.

Triggering the Senses

Here are some environmental cues that you can manipulate for your child to associate with becoming sleepier and preparing for bedtime, which encompass all five senses.

• Visual: Turn off overhead lights, close curtains, turn on small side lamp on while winding down, show pictures from books, eliminate screens, start crib mobile and/or turn on temporary night light, set total darkness at sleep time
• Haptic: Wash body/face with warm water, cool core temperature from room or fan, change into comfy PJs, brush “teeth”, consider swaddling or holding after feeding
• Auditory: Play lullabies music, keep everything else quiet, read book(s), set crib mobile to timer
• Olfactory: Apply lotion after bath
• Taste: Feed milk

In addition to these manual manipulations, I use smart home automation in accordance with the latest sleep research (particularly from the book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker):

• Set lights in the house to a dim, warm yellow at sunset
• Heat room temperature (by 1-3° above sleep temperature) 30-60 mins prior to bedtime routine
• At the start of the routine, cool and maintain the room temperature to an optimal 68-72°, in order to cool baby's core temperature

Continuing the Routine

Similar to the newborn schedule, we maintained a consistent set of activities that started at the same time each night. Our feeding involved a combination of breast feeding and re-heating stored breast milk, with formula supplementation when needed. Once the milk was prepared, we would wash our baby (full baths every other night, and just the face with a washcloth on the off nights), and then change her into PJs. We would feed her, burp/hold her, and read her a book. Finally, when we noticed her getting sleepy we'd lay her in the crib and start the mobile lullabies, turning off any other music and lights and shutting the curtains to make the room as dark as possible. A more detailed schedule breakdown with approximate time lengths for feedings and other events during the day will be saved for a future post (here it is!).

This is when the Cry It Out method would come into play and we'd have our baby monitor on and ready to go. We would only go in if the baby has thrown up, if the crying is particularly strong, or if the baby is still crying moderately after 20 minutes. We'll then go through our checklist to resolve the crying as best as possible, which I will also save for a future post (here it is!). Once she's calmed down a bit we would lay down with her for 5-10 minutes before putting her back in her crib. Finally, we'll wait another 20-30 minutes before starting the cycle over again.

A mindfulness approach may be helpful while listening to your baby cry it out in the other room. Pay close attention to your reaction. Do you feel anxious or upset? How do you know you're feeling those emotions, can you pinpoint the actual sensations in your body? Try to notice these sensations in the present moment, and whether they are constant or whether they come and go. Let them be and see what happens.

UPDATE: Here's a follow-up post on how we used our experience to handle sleep training successfully with our second child: Sleepy Habits: A Case Study for Baby #2.

Baby Registry Essentials and Pain Point Relievers

Let's start at the beginning of the parenting experience. Your partner is (or you are) pregnant! Or your adoption came through! Shock. Denial, perhaps? Acceptance. Baby Registry. Joy.

I'll go ahead and cover some basics that should be on any registry, and then jump right into recommendations that could potentially remove common pain points for first-time parents. My aim is to cover non-perishable items that will make your lives easier at home for the first six months of your baby's life. Stay tuned for future posts on travel items and, potentially, items beyond the first six months.

The Essentials

I gotta give credit where it's due, so most of these items are from this Dad parenting book: We're Pregnant!: The First Time Dad's Pregnancy Handbook: Everything You Need to Know for Your Partner & Baby by Adrian Kulp. I'll include some additional obvious items, and link specific products if we recommend what we have.

1. Infant car seat (the hospital won't let you leave without one that adjusts to the size of your little one; consider options that snap in and out of car adapters and strollers)
2. Stroller (try to get hands-on experience if possible, there's a lot out there) 
3. Baby carrier (test these out as well, since style preference may depend on who is wearing it)
4. Diaper bag (again, style may depend on who is wearing)
5. Layette (aka a set of newborn clothing) that covers months 0–3, 3–6, and 6–9. Aim to get the following for each three-month stage: 
1. 7 to 8 one-piece baby sleep outfits with footsies and built-in hand covers (get ones that zip up in the front for easy access, especially for those middle-of-the-night changes) 
2. 5 long-sleeve onesies and 5 short-sleeve onesies
3. 5 pull-up pants (leg warmers apparently work just as well, and you don’t even have to take them off when changing baby) 
4. 4 breathable swaddling blankets
5. 2 hats
6. 7 to 8 pairs of socks and booties 
7. 1 snowsuit (for the winter months) 
6. Laundry detergent for the above (preferably hypoallergenic to start)
7. Crib, mattress, mattress cover, and crib sheets (consider a three-in-one that can convert into a toddler bed as baby grows)
8. Bassinet (we chose one with a cover to keep out the cats 😺)
9. Baby monitor (I like ones that don't actually connect to the Internet - I don't need hackers with too much time on their hands viewing the feed or talking through it)
10. Bottles, a breast pump if breastfeeding (these can often be obtained through your insurance company for free or a low price), and formula if not breastfeeding
11. Dish soap for the above
12. High chair and eating utensils
13. Bibs and burp cloths
14. Newborn-size disposable or cloth diapers and wipes
15. Diaper Genie (or some sort of system to contain all those diapers you’re about to change)
16. Baby bathtub and toiletries, including towels
17. Baby first aid kit, thermometer, healing ointment, and nail clippers
18. Baby bouncer
19. Pacifiers and teethers (sometimes these are the only things that soothe)
20. Rattles (not a ton, but a few to keep the little one entertained)
21. Books!! (our favorites will be covered in a separate blog post)

The Pain Point Relievers

The following items have (almost) all been hand-tested by my wife and I, and I can say that they successfully relieve very specific pain points that we either had, or would have had, without them. And as a bonus, each of these items will run you $50 or less!

1. Voice assistant in room
   Pain point: "I'm in the baby room, and I need a hands-free way to... play music / stop music on a timer / broadcast messages to my partner / lookup quick baby facts / control my smart devices / set a timer until the next feeding / check the weather before choosing clothing / etc.!"
   Recommendation: Google Nest Mini. A hands-free assistant can be almost indispensable when you have a newborn, especially an assistant that plugs into whatever smart ecosystem you may already have. Stay tuned for a future post on custom commands you can try.
   
   
2. Temperature sensor
   Pain point: "I'm in the baby room, and it feels so much hotter / colder than the rest of the house!"
   Recommendation: Google Nest Temperature Sensor. If you have a smart thermostat, like a Nest, extra sensors can be the best way to regulate temperatures in certain rooms of your house that are far away from your main thermostat.
   
   
3. Changing pad
   Pain point: "I'm downstairs and this baby just loaded up his/her diaper, but the changing table is upstairs and I am NOT gonna change a poop on this couch!"
   Recommendation: Summer 4 Sided Contour Change Pad. This changing pad is big enough to be comfortable for the baby and protect your furniture, and light and portable enough to be brought and left in any room in your house.
   
   
4. Snot sucker
   Pain point: "I'm with the baby and his/her nose is FULL of snot, and he/she won't listen to me no matter how nicely I ask to blow his/her nose!"
   Recommendation: Baby Nasal Aspirator NoseFrida. I know, I know, it sounds gross to literally suck out your baby's snot, but luckily there are filters to prevent it from going into your mouth. 🤣 Baby may or may not love this experience, just know you don't have to suck at full force.
   
   
5. Splatter mat
   Pain point: "I'm feeding the baby in a highchair, and the mess off the sides is a pure green bean mush bloodbath!"
   Recommendation: Large ReignDrop Splat Mat. You'll thank me later for saving your floors, and your time cleaning them.
   
   
6. Stroller organizer
   Pain point: "I'm out taking the baby for a walk, but I've got no place to put my drink / phone / mask / hand sanitizer / purse / bag / etc.!"
   Recommendation: Skip Hop Stroller Organizer and stroller hooks. We had to try out different organizers until we found one that didn't keep falling down the sides of the stroller, and this one stays in place really well. We actually got different hooks but these look just as good at holding your bags while on the go. Just remember to balance with the weight of your baby, or that stroller will be falling backwards...
   
   
7. Bath kneeler
   Pain point: "I'm in the bathroom giving the baby a bath, and this cold, hard, increasingly wet floor is killing my knees!"
   Recommendation: Comfortable Bath Kneeler and Elbow Kneeling Rest Pad. Our original brand isn't on sale anymore, but this one will get the job done. If you're old like me now, do your knees a favor and get one of these.
   
   
8. Car seat protector
   Pain point: "I'm in the car, and this car seat is scratching up the damn seats!"
   Recommendation: Munchkin Auto Seat Protector. Enjoy that extra resell value on your vehicle. ;)

Remember though, the most important thing that you have during those early months, and really the only thing you ever have with you, is your mind and the quality of it. You won't be able to plan and stock for every contingency, and in the moment you won't be able to instantly order and obtain that thing you forgot off Amazon. So take a deep breath, accept the reality of the present moment, and recognize that you're free to act without anything holding you back. Enjoy your moment!

Zen Dad & Reading in 2021

Welcome to the next iteration of my life hacking blog! From 'In Search of Quality' (general life and traveling, 2008-2010), to 'Great Egg Adventures in Nihon' (living in Japan and learning Japanese, 2010-2013), to 'A Time for Reflections and Resolutions' (mostly hiatus, 2013-2016), to 'Living in a Dream World' (learning computer science, 2016-2022), and now... 'Zen Dad' (2022-?). Upcoming posts will be geared towards the fusion (and apparent juxtaposition) of two of my current passions:

1. Parenting and all of the craziness that goes into it
2. Mindfulness and being Here, right Now, to slow down and experience life (often colloquially referred to using the name of one the Buddhist sects that practices this skill, "Zen")

But for now, let's cover books from 2021! I had something of a rapid reading resurgence (see what I did there?) in the final quarter, fueled by my interest in learning more about mindfulness and my finding the space to listen to more audiobooks. In the end, I read/listened to more in a year than I have since 2017. As usual, bold books are my high recommendations, and * books are my re-reads. Follow me on Goodreads to see my ratings and other books I've enjoyed.

1. Thinking in Bets (3/21/21)
2. The Singularity is Near (5/1/21)
3. *Atlas Shrugged (7/15/21)
4. Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (8/2/21)
5. Principles (8/20/21)
6. No Easy Day (9/10/21)
7. Waking Up by Sam Harris (9/13/21)
1. Just a quick note about this book - this was a life-changing experience that I'm continuing to experience through the corresponding app, and is largely responsible for my current mindfulness journey. The audio content in this app is quite extensive and most of my reading time is now focused around listening to these recordings.
8. The Great Alone (9/27/21)
9. Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir (10/10/21)
10. On Becoming a Person (10/28/21)
11. Bad Science (11/9/21)
12. 10% Happier (11/9/21)
13. The Only Plane in the Sky (11/23/21)
14. Breath (12/12/21)
15. Siddhartha by Herman Hesse (12/24/21)
16. Cribsheet by Emily Oster (12/31/21)

Take a breath and experience the present moment. This is your moment to find happiness. Not in your memories of the past, or in your hopes of reaching future destinations or goals, but in this "in-between" moment right now. Added together will make you a more present and happy parent for your little one.